♥ Two heart-breaking tragedies....
♥ One last chance to get it right.
From New York Times best selling author Cassia Leo, comes an epic love story about rewriting destiny.
Over the course of five years, Mikki and Crush cross paths on three separate occasions. Their first encounter changes Mikki's life forever, but their second meeting leaves them both buried beneath the emotional wreckage of a violent attack. Mikki is left with more questions and grief than she can handle, while Crush is forced to forget the girl who saved his life.
Now nineteen years old, Mikki Gladstone has decided she's tired of the mind-numbing meds. She books a flight to Los Angeles to end her life far away from her loving, though often distant, family.
Twenty-one-year-old Crush has always channeled his blackest thoughts into his music, but he's never had great aspirations. He decides to fly to Los Angeles to record a demo of the only song he's never performed in public; a song he wrote for a girl he doesn't even know: Black Box. He has no expectations of fame and he's never felt like his life had any purpose... until he meets Mikki in Terminal B.
When Mikki and Crush cross paths for the third time in Terminal B, neither has any idea who the other person is; until they slowly piece together their history and realize that fate has more in store for them than just another love story.
This review is impossible for me to write. It really is. This book means so much to me that it is ridiculously hard to even think about putting it into words. Bear with me as I try to form coherent thoughts.
Black Box is a love story, but it is much more a story of survival. Of hope. Of learning to trust. It is also a story of unimaginable horrors and devastating losses. Of not having the kind of peace, love, and support from the people we need it from the most. But most of all it is a story about the darkness that lives inside of all of us and working to overcome it.
"Why is it called Black Box?""You'll find that out too, but I'll give you a hint. There's a little blackness inside all of us."
It is no secret that Cassia Leo is one of my very favorite authors. She has this insane ability to draw me into her stories and feel like I am actually living in them. This was no different, if anything it was more intense than her other books. In Black Box Cassia writes about the very difficult issue of mental disorder, bipolar 2 to be exact. She doesn't romanticize it, as so many other authors who have written about the disease have. As someone who has lived with a person suffering from BP2 I can tell you that her portrayal of Mikki & her disease are very spot on. Especially the teeny tiny manic episodes.
'Having a mental illness is like riding a really fast merry-go-round that never stops. There's no escape. You're stuck.'
From the very beginning I felt like I knew Mikki, I could completely understand her compulsions and the decisions that she was making. As the story progressed the connection I felt with Mikki only grew, until the point that I could see pieces of me reflected in her. I did know Mikki, she was the dark little voice that resided within my own head. We all have that voice but most of us are able to quiet her, Mikki wasn't able to. Mikki's entire existence was that voice.
'Self ownership is an illusion. This is a lesson I learned at a very young age. How can anyone expect a teenager to cope with that kind of realization?'
Crush. What do I even say about him? He was absolutely wonderful. To the nth degree he was, with all of his messed up past, the perfect counter to Mikki. He wasn't all sunshine and roses. That wouldn't have worked. He had seen the darkness, lived in it, and found a way out. All he wanted to do was to help Mikki find her way out of that darkness. Crush pushed, but only enough. He seemed to intuitively know exactly what Mikki needed, what she wanted, and how to balance the two without ever going to far. He was far from perfect, but he was perfect for Mikki.
'This Black Box is yours to keep, to stash your troubles away. Just lock it up and call my name, and I'll be there... always.'
Fate was a huge theme in this book. Believing or not believing in it, the very idea that no matter our choices we are headed for the ending that was meant for us. The idea that we don't have a choice in what happens to us is scary, but very real. It is illustrated very clearly in both Mikki and Crush's experiences. There are things that are hard to read, but so necessary to understand how and why they have ended up where they are, which is exactly where they are meant to be. Where their fates have led them. It is sad and beautiful to watch play out. How much they have had to overcome to end up where they never knew they could be.
"What's the difference between fate & luck?"He smiles and turns his attention back to the view of the city. "Fate is for fairy tales. Luck is what happens when you're in the right place at the right time... with the right person."
I could go on and on about this book and how much I love it and how it has changed me, but it is really something that you should experience for yourselves. There are very dark moments and very harrowing events in Black Box. It is definitely on my list of must reads. There are just not enough stars to give this book, truly.
"I feel like I've known you all my life. I don't want that feeling to go away. I want to know you all my life."
Chapter 8
Crush
Staring into Mikki’s green eyes, I swear I’m looking into my own. She’s hiding something from me that I haven’t quite figured out yet, but I’m positive it has to do with her trip to L.A. There has to be a reason someone as skittish as her decided to have coffee with me rather than go home when her flight was canceled. And there’s definitely a reason greater than curiosity for the question she just asked me.If it weren’t her asking, this would be the point in our conversation where I begin to suspect her of being an undercover cop or journalist. But it is Mikki. And something about this girl tells me she’s not here to find out what happened in a dark parking lot three years ago.
“That’s a trick question,” I reply. “If I tell you I’ve never killed anyone, then you’ll think I’m a good guy and you’ll stay, because even though it’s not a very exciting answer, it means you’re safe. But if I tell you I’ve killed someone, you may find it intriguing or frightening. Either way, intrigued or scared, you’ll probably try to get the fuck away from me, and I don’t think I’m ready for that.”
She smiles as she looks down at her fingers, which she’s tapping on the surface of the bar. “That’s a real suave way to dodge the question. It also sounds like something a murderer would say.”
“Really?”
She looks up and meets my gaze again. “Who did you kill?”
I pause for a moment as I try to figure out where she’s going with this conversation. Then it hits me. “Do you want to die?”
“What?” she asks, shaking her head far too adamantly. “That’s … that’s a stupid question.”
“Why is it a stupid question?”
“Because,” she snaps at me. “It’s just stupid. I don’t want to die.”
She continues to look down at her hands, which are still trembling as she fidgets with her silver thumb-ring. I get an urge to grab her hand again, to stop the trembling and fidgeting, but I don’t.
“I’m sorry. I guess that was kind of a stupid question. I was just wondering why a pretty girl like you would hang out with me when you could be at home in your warm bed with your pjs on. Or out with your friends … or your boyfriend.”
She finally chuckles. “So, accusing me of wanting to die is your way of avoiding my question or is it just a really messed-up way of asking me if I have a boyfriend?”
“It’s just me being a total dick. And … do you have a boyfriend?”
“No.” She looks up and fixes me with a steely glare. “Most guys don’t appreciate a girl who’s crazy and also doesn’t put out.” I’m not quite sure how to respond to this statement. It’s probably best to change the subject or reach for a joke. “Yeah, I know how you feel. Most girls don’t appreciate a guy who can cite Shakespeare and won’t put out. Actually, I think that’s a line from Macbeth.”
Her glare melts into a reluctant smile. “You’re not a total dick.”
“Still not putting out.”
New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Cassia Leo grew up in California and has lived in three different countries. She loves to travel and her dream is to one day score a record deal based on her awesome shower singing skills. She is the author of the Shattered Hearts series (Relentless, Pieces of You, Bring Me Home, Abandon) and the Luke and Chase series.
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